Like most college students, I weep when I see how much tuition costs. If it gets any higher, we won’t even be able to afford our ramen. So let’s think about the positive messages we’re learning from today’s media. How can you go from broke to rich in a matter of months? Well, Mr. White, after you put some pants on we can go over the fine arts degree you’ll need to pursue. What? No. I’m not talking about Studio Art. I’m thinking bigger than that. Bigger even than Picasso’s blue period. I’m talking about that blue crystal. Grab your lab coats and follow me down the wonderful rabbit hole known as meth cooking.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “I’ve seen Breaking Bad, and it didn’t end up okay for Walter!” And to that I would reply, “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?” Let’s take a look back at what happened. If you haven’t seen the end of Breaking Bad yet, stop reading. There are spoilers ahead. Walter didn’t die because of meth, you might have missed the part where he had terminal cancer. What any college student wouldn’t kill to be making all of that…what’s the word Pinkman? Cheddar? The entire TV show had me wishing I’d paid better attention in science class. High school is something I’ve tried to tune out for the most part, but all I can really remember from chemistry is my teacher threatening to take my cell phone away and not give it back. And that was back in a time where smart phones were just a dream.
I mean, yeah. There’s definitely some danger involved if you’re going to become a drug lord, but you don’t have to go as deep as Heisenberg (although a clever nickname is required). The key is to get out before you bury yourself in hundred dollar bills, although that’s very tempting. Settle for a swimming pool full of twenties. Fifties and hundreds just make you seem greedy.
I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that college is expensive, but we’ve only just scratched the surface. There’s an entire world out there full of dirty drug money, and it’s waiting for us to go out and find it.
by Maggie Lawler