Cyrus strikes again – a review, by a human

Care for a bit of commentary on what’s new in the world of Miley Cyrus? But of course you do! It is becoming impossible to avoid hearing about the girl since she has taken the world of young, mislead girls that shout out “YOLO” followed by a quaint giggle because they find the slogan so meaningful, by storm. While this recent sensation is arguably more disconcerting than the Hipster community finding solace in PBR, thus causing the price of a once affordable six pack to sky rocket, Miley Cyrus’ newly released music video for her song “Wrecking Ball” seems to take the cake for bad things we are forced to accept.

I watched the new music video recently under recommendation from a long time friend. “Hey man, have you seen the new Miley Cyrus video? She’s naked in it.” That was enough for me. The fact is that seeing a naked woman is no hard task to accomplish, the world is literally at the tips of our fingers when it comes to the internet, after all. Yet, this was different, this was Miley Cyrus, and hearing about it was like hearing about a neighbor’s house engulfed in flames down the road; it’s extremely unfortunate, but there’s some kind of weird, morbid, deep embedded instinct that draws us to it, as humans, and forces us to watch it until its mangled, smoldering end.

Just to get this out of the way, there’s no power in her lyrics. The song sounds like it was written by a think tank of freshly dumped 14 year old girls that were force fed party drugs and then given pen and paper. Miley’s sad because she wanted to break down some walls of a man, and let’s face it, this only happens in a Nicholas Sparks book. That’s rule number one when it comes to getting into relationships, don’t get involved with people carrying baggage it never works out like you want it to. But hey, she’s Miley Cyrus, maybe she thought she could pull it off, or maybe she just thought to herself, “YOLO” and drank one too many PBRs, we may never know.

For those that may have not seen the wreck that is the Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” music video, she is indeed naked, but only really in the way that we’re all naked under our clothes (meaning no real “privates” are exposed, accounting for the over 480 thousand dislikes on YouTube). She licks a sludge hammer several times throughout, and the rest is simply a decimating house fire. I emerged myself into the world of modern pop music for a painful three minutes and forty-two seconds to watch this video, and I came out a bitter, disillusioned man. My advice to those who haven’t yet seen the video: tread carefully friends; it may, in fact, be safer to just lock yourself in a dark room with Billy-Ray’s “Achy Breaky Heart” playing on repeat, only just to remind you that the Cyrus family has contributed absolutely nothing to the higher echelons of the music world.

Article by Jimmy Gibbs

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