Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball’ Is Great — Don’t Wreck This For Us, by a Wrecking Ball

Hi, I’m a wrecking ball. As a wrecking ball, I don’t normally get these types of opportunities to give my opinion on the issues of the day. The only audiences I ever address are usually walls and old abandoned buildings, and by “address” I mean obliterate with my massive forged steel body.

People have been criticizing singer Miley Cyrus a lot lately because of her provocative VMA performance. And that criticism has spilled over into her videos, her songs, and basically her every move. She’s a lightning rod, there’s no doubt about it. But you know what, lightning rods serve an important purpose.

Case in point, her controversial video “Wrecking Ball.” People freaked out. But when I first saw it, I thought, “FINALLY. A video that gives wrecking balls a voice, that gives wrecking balls a prominent place in pop culture.” I mean, she’s riding a wrecking ball naked! Let me put it this way, when it comes to being a wrecking ball, things aren’t “erected” very often, if you catch my drift.

It’s almost surreal to think that someday I might be able to settle down with a human girl like Miley Cyrus. Barriers are being broken down, people. And for once, I get to sit back and watch it happen, rather than do the breaking. Miley is doing things for wrecking balls we couldn’t have dreamed of even just 5 years ago.

Wrecking balls aren’t all about tearing down and destruction. We have goals. We have dreams. For example, someday I want to build — that’s right, BUILD — model train landscapes. Little model cities and towns that play home to an entire population of miniature wrecking balls and their families.

The only one who had it better in the “Wrecking Ball” video than the wrecking ball is the sledgehammer. Oh my god, does Miley know her way around a sledgehammer. I high fived all my sledgehammer buddies. My good friend Heath Sledger is already dating some hot human girl who’s totally into instruments of destruction. He’s probably destroying that right now. And word is she might have a friend for me.

Someday it might actually be “cool” for a girl to be naked with a wrecking ball. All I ask is that you consider a perspective that maybe you previously hadn’t. Miley is doing amazing things for us wrecking balls. Don’t wreck this for us.

Article by Andy McDonald

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