Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball’ Is Great — Don’t Wreck This For Us, by a Wrecking Ball

Hi, I’m a wrecking ball. As a wrecking ball, I don’t normally get these types of opportunities to give my opinion on the issues of the day. The only audiences I ever address are usually walls and old abandoned buildings, and by “address” I mean obliterate with my massive forged steel body.

People have been criticizing singer Miley Cyrus a lot lately because of her provocative VMA performance. And that criticism has spilled over into her videos, her songs, and basically her every move. She’s a lightning rod, there’s no doubt about it. But you know what, lightning rods serve an important purpose.

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Yelling goats

If you’re walking down the street and you hear a scream coming from an alleyway, it’s probably not what you think it is. It’s probably a goat. You heard right. A goat, the little barnyard animal with horns and hooves.

Unless you live under a rock like everybody’s favorite starfish, you’ve probably seen a video of a goat yelling. One of the more famous videos is the most recent Doritos Super Bowl commercial staring a lovable, yet ticked off goat who’s out of Doritos. The commercial ends with a goat kicking the door shut and trapping the man who hid all of his chips from him in a room. I don’t know about any of you, but I feel like an angry goat is not something to mess with.

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Conspiracy or exaggeration?

Okay fellow students and nut jobs, I’m back with more conspiracies for you. Now, I may just have too much time and too much imagination. I won’t pretend that is impossible. However, I do think that all conspiracies must at least be given some attention, because what if they are true? We all know politicians aren’t the most upstanding people in the world, and many of them lie. Those familiar with Chicago politics know this very well, and some even know it by following Wisconsin politics. So to think a conspiracy would never really be true because politicians and those running things are always so honest is just crazy to think. That’s coming from a conspiracy buff, so maybe we’ll agree, or maybe we’ll agree to disagree.

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The truth about Valentine’s Day

At the time that I am writing this, Valentine’s Day is a mere six days away. Six days until what is supposed to be the holiday of romance and love and mindless adoration. But the closer it gets, the more people begin to question their relationships and themselves. In the apartment up the block, some guy is trying to decide what to get his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day and while shopping online for tickets to Katy Perry, he realizes that they have nothing in common whatsoever. On the other side of town, a girl is trying to decide whether to waste her time trying to find a Valentine’s Day date or simply spend the evening living vicariously through Kate Hudson. And yet another guy is living in a personal hell, pining over the girl of his dreams who he can’t seem to find the courage to approach. By all accounts, Valentine’s Day sucks.

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Valentine’s Day: Survival tips for the cheap student

Valentine’s Day is upon us yet again. For some, this day will not be a pleasant one. For others, they have been waiting with anticipation for this day to come since the first seconds of the New Year. Now, regardless of your feelings towards this holiday, those with a significant other must put them aside and focus on one thing: the Valentine’s Day gift. It may seem like a superficial thing to focus on since it is a holiday of love and such, but on this day, take a moment to sit and listen. If you’re lucky, you will listen to a group of women with significant others and they will be talking about what they received for Valentine’s Day, or what they didn’t receive. It is also worth noting that Valentine’s Day just so happens to fall on a day that is not too far off from spending a significant amount of money on books for school. How does one manage? Maybe you already have the gift covered. In that case, good for you. For all those procrastinators out there, here are a few helpful tips for how to land a nice last minute Valentine’s Day gift (especially for those on the cheap side of things).

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