HOLLACE VILLARREAL | Villa068@rangers.uwp.edu
Ranger Bear serial
The Bearly News dove deeper into the past of Ranger Bear… what was found was shocking.
The more the Bearly News looked into our beloved school mascot, the more we realized: no one really knows where Ranger Bear came from. T. Ruxpin, our hired private eye, worked hard to dredge up some details while the Bearly News hoped someone could help to answer our questions.
“What do you mean, ‘where did Ranger Bear come from’?” An alumnus asked, laughing over the phone, “The woods, of course!”
“He lives in Petrifying Springs, right by campus!” His handler told the Bearly News, when we approached Ranger Bear at a press meeting. The bear himself would not take any questions.
“He’s been here longer than I have,” the Dean of Students told us, “Longer than anyone, really. He’s recently celebrated his 50th anniversary, you know.”
His 50th anniversary? We had to know more. The Bearly News headed to the archives.
“W-what? Ranger Bear? I can barely believe that you care about him! He’s harmless!” An archives worker expressed when we set to work.
We dug through the hundreds of stacks of unread copies of The Ranger News, hoping for some clues. However, there seemed to be no mention of him. Nothing, not even a picture. However, all the newspapers seemed to be… missing something.
“I heard you were looking for information on Ranger Bear.” A voice said from behind us. We started and turned to see the head archivist with a crazed look in her eyes. “I’ve waited years for this day, to find someone else as suspicious as I am.”
She led us from the archives to a back room where, on the walls, were dozens of newspaper clippings, all centered around Ranger Bear. It was amazing and horrifying.
The archives worker pointed to an photo on the wall. The picture is attached below, the earliest known image of Ranger Bear.
“He came out of nowhere, rolling up in his car like he owned the place,” the archivist told us, “It’s crazy, really. Everyone knows that bears can’t drive!”
Truly baffling. P. I. T. Ruxpin and this reporter shared a look. We knew we had just hit the tip of the iceberg.
“Bearly News” is not real news. In fact, you could say it is unreal news. Really, it is real unreal news.