Chancellor Ford throws military parade


Between making a controversial decision about forced dining plans and offering free tuition to low-income students, the University of Wisconsin-Madison has made numerous national headlines over the last month. To draw attention away from its rival, UW-Parkside is throwing a sizable military parade next week.

“I deem it perfectly necessary to demonstrate our school’s raw might in such a public manner,” UW-Parkside Chancellor Ford tweeted this morning. “I will not be outdone by Rocket Woman Chancellor Blank.”

To afford the parade, the required expenses will likely include public funding, segregated fees, student donations, professor salaries, the school’s computer system, the Den, and all of the curly fries that the Brickstone has left in stock.

Without a doubt, it will be a costly endeavor. That being said, it if draws attention away from UW-Madison even for a minute, then no price is too high.

Categories: Satire

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