UW-Parkside Accosted by Vandals in April!


Last week, UW-Parkside students who live in dorms were attack by vandalism. Reports came in of students’ windows being broken and Items being stolen. One Graphic Design Sophomore says, “I was terrified. I felt that these dorms were a safe place, but now I don’t know…”

One student claims that he was missing several books and another said she found her lock broken and forty dollars stolen from her apartment. Campus Police launched a full investigation to catch the vandals. After a day they were led off campus and into Racine. Police reports state that two officers ran into a young woman on the street who had a jacket that matched the description of the jacket stolen from one of the apartments.

A chase occurred and after a quick scuffle the woman was taken into custody. She was 24 year old, Melanie Sawyer, and she admitted to breaking in with several others and stealing items. She was arrested for theft, breaking and entering, and several other crimes.

Further investigation led back to UW – Parkside, where it war found that several groups of vandals had been attacking the building. It is suspected that these vandals are responsible for the missing food and bathroom breakdowns of last month. They have proved to be experienced with technology as well; several times this year they have shut down Parkside’s computers.

Earlier this week another vandal was caught in the basement of the school. It was then learned that the school is under constant accost by past UW-Parkside students. They have dubbed themselves PUW, or Parkside’s Uber Wreckers. The “Wreckers” are Parkside students who were unsatisfied with the school when they attended and want to be known as enemies of Parkside.

They have a Facebook Page (Parkside Uber Wreckers) and are trying to go global. Parkside officials have sent emails out to the entire school in hopes that no one would fear the dangers of these Wreckers. They have made threats to steal more and recently it was learned that they knocked over all the snowmen that were created during the snowstorm last winter.

They also have created a division just for scaring off the local deer and other animals in the woods near the University Building. They look just like regular Parkside students so it is easy for them to blend in with us to learn of our secrets. Police reports state that several Wreckers have been found hiding amongst average everyday students attempting to get an upstanding education.

The last police reports have shown that the Wreckers have a secret code. It has been found scratched, and scribbled in permanent marker, in a lot of items found with the Wreckers. This special code, 4-1-11, has been paced along through the group and police are still deciphering what it may mean.

The Wreckers are here to stay unfortunately. But our campus police are vigilant in stopping this menace to our peaceful school. What’s next for the future of our school, our students and our dangerous new enemies?

This writer isn’t sure but he can tell you about the present:

April Fools!

Article by Reshad Burchfield

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