A Review from Vans Warped Tour 2010

You are surrounded by a seemingly infinite supply of beauteous creation. You cannot deny the wall of sound that is emanating from a wall of woofers that is the size of a home. The scream screeching from the tweeters is deafening. You cycle from stage to stage and access your keys to the entire musical spectrum. There are punk kids, ska kids, hardcore kids, and metal kids all exploring the grounds, and moving from stage to stage. Is this some sort of lucid dream? Well, it appears to be, but the only element that’s missing, is the dream. You are at the 2010 Vans Warped Tour.

You scurry the grounds, searching for the stage with IWRESTLEDABEARONCE, in order to expunge your urgent need for a catharsis. You hope to the heavens that you are not late, because this is an act to see, to say the least. You finally make it to the Glamour Kills Stage, and everyone is at his or her feet. IWRESTLEDABEARONCE starts to play, as soon as you arrive. You begin thrashing your neck madly, and you throw your pitchforks wildly in the air. You alternate between the pitchforks, and the pounding fists, in order to symbolize, a correct synthesis, between the Hardcore, Metal, and Experimental genres of music. No wonder this band was voted on to Warped Tour. The driving adrenaline fueled output, put forth by the front woman, Krysta Camron, is enough to break anyone’s neck. The grinding guitars of Steven Bradley, and John Ganey, coupled with the pummeling percussion of Ryan Pearson carry you into a profound rapture; an ecstatic oblivion, is gripping you, and your neck already hurts really bad. However, this was well worth it, and it is only the beginning of your journey.

Immediately after IWABO, the AP stage starts up, with the Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band. You have never seen or heard anything like this. The Reverend’s music is rooted in all of the heart and soul, which goes into blues and reflects the more country elements of this genre. Washboard Breezy Peyton plays the washboard, and the Reverend loves to assist the drummer, Aaron Persinger, by kicking the appropriate cymbal, whenever it is needed. You have never seen any performance pour so much heart and soul, into a performance of this sort, and your day is only beginning.

You begin to shuffle around the grounds in a quest to hear the best bands from every stage. As you examine your surroundings, you are amazed by the eclectic tastes of the audience around you. There is a slender girl, with dark brown hair, and a Suicide Silence hat, who keeps popping up at every stage. Surprisingly, she is very excited to see the punk band, The Sparring, and she is even more excited to see the Exposed, who traveled all the way from the U.K. She is somewhat disheartened that the majority of the fans are at other stages. At this instance it is as if her call is being heard by the cosmos, and the real punks begin to show up at this stage. One of the young men, who is starting the pit, is so punk rock that he has a purple Mohawk. It is not possible to be more punk than this.

Later on, you are set to have an interview with IWRESTLEDABEARONCE. There is just one problem. The Dillinger Escape Plan is playing live at this time. Since you have already interviewed IWABO, you rationalize to yourself, and avert your own important responsibility. You argue with yourself, as to whether you should do the interview, or go see Dillinger, and you write your name down for the interview, just in case.

Just as the Dillinger Escape Plan enters the stage, you receive a text, explaining that IWABO wants to know where you are. You apologize, with a guilty conscience, and board the thrill ride–that is the Dillinger Escape Plan. The band plays with an intensity that is unmatched throughout the day. The guitarist of the band climbs all the way on to the top of his mammoth sized amplifier and jumps down. You are enthralled by the energetic performance and flawless musicianship brought forth by this monumental band. The same guitarist that was just on the top of his amp is now running face first into the crowd and runs directly into you in a rather alarming, yet harmless, manner. This amazes you, and assures you, with an uplifting feeling, and a sense of a higher purpose, that this show was meant to be. They are even playing “43% Burnt,” from your favorite album of theirs, Calculating Infinity. Once more, you run into a former acquaintance, Brian Tombari, who happens to have already played Warped Tour earlier in the day, with his band Hail Archer. He agrees that Dillinger is amazing and not much more, could be so magnificently stated, in this verbal exchange.

Later on, you watch the people amass for Andrew W.K., and you begin to watch them play. However, Pennywise is set to take the stage in about ten minutes. You decide to leave Andrew behind, despite his entertaining display, because you know the scope of what is about to happen. If you multiply the punks seen earlier by about ten times, you have the amount of punks that show up for Pennywise. The new lead singer commends the Reverend Peyton, for being the most punk person on the grounds, and he also commends the gentleman with the purple Mohawk for being daring enough to express the extreme nature of his punk-ness.

Overall this show was one of the most valuable experiences of your life. The diversity, of all of the musical offerings displayed, assures you of a greater power in this universe. All of the goals you have, and the path you have chosen, have both been reaffirmed. You are dizzy and dehydrated but at one with all of existence. It has been an amazing day.

Story by Jake Halverson

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