Noted for his wisdom and love of collegiate life, wise man, Andrew Donahoe, knows a thing or two about the UWP campus. A friend of a friend said that Asher Roth wrote a song after meeting Mr. Donahoe. Fortunately, Mr. Donahoe, known to drink his coffee mixed with gunpowder and carry the heads of his conquered kings, advises the freshmen with TRN’s inaugural edition of Thursday’s Top 20.
Top 20 tips for Incoming Freshmen
20. Never eat Hot Pockets that you received from an unreliable source.
19. Learn the definition of “surreptitious.”
18. Using fake money at the Brickstone Eatery & Grill is unacceptable.
17. If the people in your classes, clubs, and dorms are not your cup of tea, www.Chatroulette.com is a great way to make friends.
16. Petrifying Springs Park has buried treasure and danger lurks around every corner.
15. BIOS 100: Nature of Life
14. Though not mandatory, I insist that you always wash your hands before playing video games.
13. It is said that a bus transports hungry students to McDonalds, but if you have an atom of adventure in your body, you will find yourself walking there every now and then.
12. If you want to eat Saturday breakfast at the “Brick,” you are going to have to get up by 1:30pm.
11. Laser pointers: don’t use them.
10. Avoid wearing colors that may make you look like you are part of a gang.
09. Never, at any point, attempt to acquire a “paper trail.”
08. Everybody has a look-a-like. Be certain it truly is your friend before you kick him in the butt.
07. If your meal plan starts to run low, invite a friend or refer to number 6.
06. Cheesy Bread: 67 cents.
05. Since the UWP library closes before the local Chuck E. Cheese, you may want to hide until their rounds end. Though you’ll get extra time to study for that Anatomy test, this is a horrible idea.
04. The library is a great place, but the people who argue outside of it should be avoided.
03. Never sleep in the black chairs in Greenquist.
02. Never, absolutely NEVER, plug both ends of an Ethernet cord into the same wall.
01. The definition of Thirsty Thursday. Whether you do drink, don’t drink, will drink, won’t drink. The carnival comes to town once upon a week…Thursday.
Story by Andrew Donahoe